Remember Me?

It has been so long since I posted any random thoughts of any sort that you have probably imagined that I had disappeared.

Nope. Here I am.

I have been busy with odd things. After several months of procrastinating about it, I read four books on the Psalms and then wrote a reasonably intelligent paper on them. I had 12 months to do this class, and I turned the paper in 36 hours before the deadline. As one of my friends always says, "The lazy man works harder."

As if the Psalms weren't enough to swallow me whole, we are now in the midst of an unplanned mini-remodel, inspired by the accidental flooding of the downstairs. (complements of an unattended hose left by the back door.)

Feeling a bit overwhelmed by this series of events, I have found less time than usual to write - or even to think. I have also found less time to knit, to scrapbook, and to go for long walks. Today I noticed that the leaves on our tiny new Japanese Maple had turned red. When had this happened? The tree is in a pot in the front yard, and I pass it daily. How did I get so preoccupied with the mundane things that I did not notice something as amazing as the turning of the leaves?

Daughter Two looked forward to Halloween for weeks. She planned her costume. She was a princess, which, for her is more of a lifestyle than a costume. She selected and decorated her trick-or-treat bag so that it was fit for a princess and - more importantly - big enough to hold the loot. She practiced saying, "Trick or Treat, please."

On the big day, she spent a wonderful hour at the church Harvest Party. She played the games, collected candy, giggled with friends, and even won a cake on the Cake Walk. After the party, she was set to go trick-or-treating for an hour with Daughter One and a teenage family friend. This was the highlight, the activity about which she had been talking for weeks.

She was back in ten minutes.

Her explanation: "I have enough candy."

I thought about that for quite awhile. "I have enough." Do I sometimes forget to notice when I "have enough?" An obvious example is food; I've lost 39 pounds thus far and recognizing when I've had enough is part of that victory. But it is more than that.

There will always be unfinished projects. There are always more things that "should" be done. So, I am learning to say, "That's enough." That's enough work for today, it's time to play. If I never take Daughter Two to the Aquarium while there is laundry to do, then we will never get to the Aquarium. If I never take Daughter One out for tea when the house is untidy, we will never go out for tea. If I never take a walk with my husband when there are unfinished to-do lists posted on the refrigerator, we will never go for a walk.

Between dealing with the mess from the flood, helping Daughter One deal with school, taking enough classes to keep my teaching certificate, juggling the household, and gearing up for the holidays, my life can so easily become an unending series of to-do lists. Indeed, just a few minutes ago I created a list of at least 25 items - large and small - that I hope to tackle tomorrow.

This is rambling a bit, so here's my point: Maybe instead of being so disciplined to get everything finished, I need to be disciplined to be able to say, "That's enough for now," and to turn my back on the work and my face toward the sheer joy of living. relaxing. playing. whatever.

After all, I am not valuable because of what I do, I am valuable because God IS.

Play hard this week.

Blueprints

Our sweet neighbors were burnt out of their home many weeks ago. It has been so many weeks ago now that we on the street are puzzled at how quiet it is over there.

Following the fire, our little street was a beehive of activity: fire trucks & fire engines, aid cars, the fire chief's own vehicle, Red Cross representives, animal control, and someone from the city whose purpose I never did learn. As afternoon eased into evening on that crazy day, the parade continued: the fire department showed up every hour or so to keep an eyes on things, the police rolled by every so often, the insurance company sent a contractor to board up the windows, and then, just as things got quiet, an alarming number of dog walkers and joggers stopped to gawk as they "just happened to be passing by" our tiny deadend street. Over the next few days and weeks, investigators, adjustors, and salvagers came and went.

What a circus!

But now, it is quiet. It has been almost 12 weeks since the insurance company made the decision to have the house demolished and rebuilt. It has been at least 6 weeks since anyone has attempted to enter the burnt-out shell for any reason...unless you count the family of boisterous raccoons that had to be evicted.

I expected the demolition and rebuilding to begin in May, but nothing happened. June and July passed; it is now the middle of August and there is no sign of activity.

I asked the family what was happening, and was puzzled by the answer: they do not wish to bulldoze the house until they have a complete plan for the new one. They acknowledge that any plan for a new home will include demolishing the old house and clearing the property, but they cannot quite bring themselves to start this process until they know exactly how it will all end. The old house is worthless, but they cling to it because it is here and it is known; the new house - as beautiful and useful as it will be - is not yet visable.

If someone were to ask my advice - alas, no one has! - I would saythis: "Let it go and let God give you more than you imagine."

When I was 15 years old I met a young man and immediately fell in love. We were just good friends for years, and began dating unexpectedly when I was a senior in high school. We were obviously too young to be serious, but I knew in my heart he was the one. A few happy years passed - we stumble into our fledgling adulthood, a part of a supportive group of young Christian friends, still dating regularly, but not really considering the future. Then, suddently, we broke up. I never really understood why, and I don't believe he did either.

I was stunned, and immediately started bargaining with God about the whole thing. In all my 19-year-old wisdom and maturity, I explained to God how this young man and I could do great things for God if only He (God) would arrange for the other he (my young man) and I to get back together. I had a plan. I have always been good with plans.

God did not rise to the challenge of fulfilling my plan, which surprised me at the time. After several weeks of wrestling with God over this issue, I found myself on my knees - actually, flat on my face - acknowledging that God was God and I was not God - now, there's a revelation! - and that I would serve Him no matter what He chose to do or chose not to do in my life. After the darkest night my young soul had known, I let that young man go. Just let him go.

The story has twist...we will celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary this week. :)

Although the growth has been irradict, I have, over the years, gotten much better at letting God make the plans instead of just trying to get Him to approve mine. I am learning to let him clear away the old things and start rebuilding the new even before I know all the details.

More on this later.

Camping

As was promised, we went camping for a few nights last week. It was - as camping always is - an amazing procession of packing and loading the car, unpacking and setting up the campsite, repacking and reloading the car, and then unloading, unpacking, and putting everything away again. Daughter One was a bit surprised, I believe, at the sheer volume of the movement of objects that camping entails.

Between us, Daughters One & Two and I set up camp. We brought the tiny tents so that (not having the Amazing Husband/Father along) we could set them up independently. Daughter One took charge and made a nice sleeping compound with two tents and a tarp. Very charming and cozy...we were warm and snuggly even the night of the thunderstorm, lol. I set up the kitchen, out of which we all enjoyed a steady stream of snacks and meals.

It turns out that we were the only family truly "camping." Each of the other families turned up in amazing motor homes outfitted with all the conveniences of home. Sorry, guys, if you are reading this, but you have to admit that you looked pretty funny...a stately parade of huge, portable homes, perched primly along the campsites, filled to the brim with happy campers "roughing it."

Camping was great fun! Despite her initial skepticism when she saw we didn't have a "house" like the others, Daughter Two loved tent camping. Despite her worries that there would be no one her age, Daughter One had a great time swimming and goofing around with the other children. Highlights for me included solving the mysteries of the camp stove and rowing assorted children around the lake in a canoe.

I can ramble on and on about our pleasant camping trip - indeed, I seem to be doing so! - but I really do have a point. Here it is:

On the second night of camping, all four families ate together. It was so tasty - satisfying in the way that only good food eaten outdoors after a day of activity can be. There were melt-in-your-mouth steaks, beautifully grilled, and fresh sweet corn on the cob, perfectly steamed in their husks. We brought our offering - red grapes and a box of chocolate cookies, and laid them on the groaning board. Both were much welcome, especially by the children, but as I looked at my grapes and cookies, I smiled at their modesty. I had brought them because they were what we had.

Now, as nice as grapes and cookies can be, they are not in the same league as grilled steak and fresh corn on the cob. This reminds me a bit of my relationship with God. When you think about it, what I am and what I have to offer God, compared to who He is and what He has to offer me, is ridiculous! And yet, when I bring to him what I have...my talents, my treasures, my time, He, in return, provides for me abundantly. I am invited to feast upon the steak and corn He brings, not only upon the grapes and cookies that I have provided. God is not "fair" and "just" in the way we think of these words. He is generous and forgiving, loving and giving to a degree that we can barely perceive.. He gives over and above. Always. Just because He loves me. Wow!